pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
