stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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