What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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