On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
