nut hugger
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
