Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
