Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize