these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
