It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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