I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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