Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
