i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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