Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
