in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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