The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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