Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
