I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
