You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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