Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
