Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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