Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
