my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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