thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
