he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
