You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize