Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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