He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
