when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
