Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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