i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
