I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
