Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
