Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
