your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
