Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
