Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
