im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
