She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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