guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
