Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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