i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
