I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize