sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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