I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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