I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
