there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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