Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
