Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize