She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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