On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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