the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
