know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
