Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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