i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
