apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My life is pants optional.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize