the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You need Xanax blowdarts
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
