Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
