I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
