I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
