You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
