I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
