my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
