how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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