no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
