Don't make out with my wife yet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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