im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
