I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
