Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
