And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
