What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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