at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
