I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
